Another week, another 3-1 record bringing my tally to 13-9-2 for the year, not too shabby. Check out this week’s I-Rant column. I for one love his hair and could care less what Justin Beiber thinks (although as mentioned he is probably right). Can’t Beiber just go through puberty already so he can disappear? Onto the picks.
Chargers -3 vs. NE. Even with my love affair for Brady I can’t rightfully pick them here.
Atlanta -3.5 vs Cincy. Why are the Bengals still getting love from Vegas? Here they are basically a road underdog against one of the better teams in the NFC. I know that doesn’t say much but this is the same team that lost to Cleveland and Tampa.
Miami +3.5 vs Pitt. The former PSU player, Cameron (Derek) Wake is on a tear, Pitt won last week but didn’t look all the impressive in doing so. Plus I’m sure with Big Ben being in Miami bad things are sure to happen.
Baltimore -13 vs. Buffalo. Seriously, Buffalo is just awful. I imagine the Raven’s having their way with them. Ray Lewis may or may not murder a few people in doing so.
The former home of Philadelphia Flyers and 76ers is being demolished next month, but before that happens, you will have a chance to purchase a “pee”ce of the historic arena. Of the many items for sale will be urinals (slightly used), which will set you back $200 each. I don’t mean to piss you off, but the two urinals from the Flyers’ locker room have already been sold for $350. If soiled urinals aren’t your cup of pee, there are various other keepsakes, such as the Spectrum’s scoreboard. You might want to ask several of your neighbors if you can borrow their pickup trucks because the scoreboard is 30-by-40 foot in size and weighs 20,000 lbs.
Well, after promising a weekly column, I have to admit I failed you all. The truth is, I spent last week wallowing in my own self-pity over my wildly incorrect Cigar Guy hypothesis. He lives in his parents’ basement! That’s almost better than it being Sacha Baron Cohen. Anyway, this week’s I-Rant (yes I named this column) will focus on another hot topic in the blogosphere, Tom Brady’s moppish, boy-band do. Oh Tom Brady, women (and Jim Nantz) drool over your chiseled visage. But lately, Brady’s flowing locks have been the source of contention and dare I say it, mockery! No, three Super Bowls didn’t do it; marrying a super-model didn’t do it. You’ve only made the big time when a temporarily-iconic 16 year old Canadian belittles you on the internet.
It’s difficult to admit, but Bieber has the moral high ground here. Not because Bieber sported the look first, rather for a reason that all Tom Brady-haters (aka New Yorkers) will just gobble up. Tom Brady’s hair isn’t real. Let’s soak it all in….
And now for the requisite “After” shot:
What does this mean!?!? Well, for one, Tom Brady’s hair is not a double rainbow. It is not the type of natural miracle that women and New Englanders should be obsessing about. Moreover, it’s impossible to ignore the parallels between Brady’s decision to artificially enhance his follicular performance and that of Jeremy Piven. Of course, I’m not referring to Brady’s performance on the field, but does anyone really believe that Brady would have his cushy modeling gigs with male-pattern baldness? Would Jeremy Piven even be Ari Gold without his plugs? The answer, sadly, is no.
And for Brady? Well this “revelation” (I put it in quotes only because this is a two-year old story that people have amazingly forgotten) likely means nothing. That is except for the possibility that he may still be mocked for his unoriginality yet again. Indeed, Brady is the second New England sports superstar to seek hair therapy. I will offer this piece of advice to Brady. If Boggs does call, avoid discussions about British politics; Wade tends to get a little heated.