The Best Charlie Sheen Quotes

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on if he sleeps: “the nights i don’t sleep it’s because there’s a higher calling telling me to stand guard.” – to howard stern

on himself: “i’m tired of pretending i’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from mars.” – to the today show

on his mission: “i have to right this unconscionable wrong. many people are suffering. and i’m the only guy who can affect the change.” – charlie sheen quote to howard stern

on drugs: “i am on a drug. it’s called charlie sheen. it’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” – to 20/20

on being with porn stars: “wow. well, listen to that statement. look at what they do. look what i do. it’s like, ‘duh.’ […] they’re the best at what they do. i’m the best at what i do. it’s like, ‘duh.’ sorry, middle america. i said it.” – to 20/20

what tiger blood means: “it’s a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins. when it comes to getting focused and delivering things in a  way…” – to howard stern

on if he owns guns: “no. not anymore. they took them all away. …that’s another subject.” – charlie to howard stern

on “the goddesses”: “i’m entertained as hell. i’m not saying that it’s not true, but i’m saying i’m laughing. and i’m laughing with the goddesses; i’m laughing with my friends.” – to the today show

on drugs, again: “the last time i took drugs i probably took more that anyone could survive. i was banging seven gram rocks because that’s how i roll, i have one speed, go. i have a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart. i got tiger blood man.” – to 20/20

about chuck lorre: “it was a fake friendship. i never felt respected in a way that i should have been. … i showed up and this dude won the lottery. and so i always felt like, ‘why am i being treated like an unwelcome relative and being given cold coffee at, like 8 pm in the middle of the fourth inning?’” – to the today show

on being with the porn stars: “i’m gonna say this. it’s a polygamy story. all my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. it’s like an organic union of the hearts.” – to 20/20

on the porn stars: “you’ve read about the goddesses, come on. they’re an international sensation. these are my girlfriends. these are the women that i love that have completed the three parts of my heart.” – to the today show

on being grandiose: “don’t be worried, don’t be worried. i am grandiose because i live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?” – to the today show

“i did that because they work … change the way you see things and change the way you feel. and yeah, when you’re a little bit bored with the redundancy of certain aspects of your life, yeah, i think that’s why people do them.” – to howard stern

on who knows: “what’s not to love? especially when you see how i party, it was epic. the run i was on made sinatra, flynn, jagger, richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.” – to 20/20

on denise richards: “awesome. awesome. top gun rockstar. awesome.” – to 20/20

on himself: “i think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. and i get in trouble for being honest,” he said. “i’m extremely old-fashioned. i’m a nobleman. i’m chivalrous.” – to the today show

on his home rehab: “well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management centre that we labelled the sober valley lodge. … its primary client achieved radical success.” – to the today show

on mel gibson, who called him: “he’s a rockstar.” – to howard stern

on ambien: “ambien. hello. ambien. hello. the devil’s aspirin? that was the one thing in new york that was not part of my normal blend.” – to 20/20

on the movie apocalypse, which he watches almost nonstop: “i think it’s a magical odyssey.” – to howard sheen

on learning two and a half men was canceled: “i was disappointed. i think people misinterpret my passion for anger.” – to the today show

on addiction: “i closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of aa. it’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.” – to the today show

on himself: “i healed in like two days.” – to howard stern


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