How To NOT Act Like a NYC Tourist
this is how a taxi works:
the most important thing to remember is to not wave your arms like a maniac at any passing yellow cab. remember:
- if the middle lights are on: this one is free! hail it by non-chalantly raising your arm.
- if no lights are on: sorry, someone’s in there. it’s not gonna stop for you.
- if the side lights are on: that taxi is going home. waving your arm more furiously isn’t going to help.
the art of the metrocard swipe
how to swipe your card like a new yorker
1. have your metrocard ready to go. don’t stop in front of the turnstiles and fumble for it in your wallet.
2. if someone is trying to exit out of the same turnstile you are trying to enter through, do not politely allow them to go first. you are a new yorker; you’ve got places to be.
3. with the yellow part facing you, walk through the turnstile at a normal pace while simultaneously swiping your card through the reader. hold the card firmly, and don’t do it too quickly. don’t look at the reader while you’re doing it, either. that’s amateur.
places a tourist acting like a new yorker should avoid at all costs
- bubba gump shrimp company
- m&m world
- rockefeller center
- the southeast corner of central park
- max brenner’s.
- port authority (this is for your safety, really.)
- the inside of one of those horse and carriage rides.
- ground zero, while wearing a shirt with an american flag on it and taking pictures.
- the w hotel.
- the metropolitan museum of art
- wicked on broadway
places a tourist trying to act like a new yorker should go
- bryant park
- the southwest corner of central park
- grand central
- the l train
- ground zero, while wearing a business suit and talking loudly into your cellphone.
- the hotel on rivington.
- the whitney
- the public theater
what to avoid wearing while walking around the city
anything sort of apparel with “new york” written anywhere on it.
- any sort of apparel that was purchased at disneyland.
- running shoes, when not at the hotel fitness center.
- any sort of pant that ends before the ankle but well past the knee. aka capris, bermuda shorts, etc.
- polo shirts
- denim skirts that aren’t mini skirts.
- don’t get too excited in public, about anything. did you just get proposed to on the empire state building? act blase.
- don’t sing songs from the broadway musical you just saw in public. just don’t sing at all.
- do try to look bored/miserable/important at all times.
- don’t clap for the annoying subway buskers, for god’s sake.
- do feel free to scream at the bike messengers who nearly kill you when you’re crossing the street.
- don’t videotape, like, your walk down the street. are you really going to want to watch that when you get home?
- do feel free to ask people for directions on the subway; that’s actually better than obnoxiously leaning over someone to stare at the subway map.